Thursday, February 24, 2011

Realizing that REAL LIFE is fast-approaching

I am currently applying for jobs, which is a stressful process. There are the thoughts of where do I want to live, what do I want to do, where is life going to take me? It is a rollercoaster ride! I've applied for jobs all around North Carolina and Virginia. It is nerve racking waiting for responses, but it will all be worth it in the end.
I thought I'd like the mystery of where I'll end up, but I don't. The not-knowing of where I'll be at this time next year is making me a little anxious. There have been tears involved when trying to explain to my parents that I have not applied for any jobs locally because there aren't any, which wasn't taken well by them because I am the baby.
I am having to grow up and move out into the real world faster than most. I am starting to really feel my age when I face these issues with fear.
I honestly feel like I am mature for my age, but will I be as mature when the rent payment is due, the light bill is due, my car won't start, or I mess up on the job? I have been skipping through life for 19 years without a care in the world, but now, I have cares in the world.
For 19 years, every decision has been mine and I have gotten myself to this point because of those decisions, but now, it is all left up to the employer and not me. The fact that I no longer control my own destiny is the part I hate the most.

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