Wednesday, May 22, 2013

Too many lessons learned

Well, once again it's been a while since I wrote a blog entry and A LOT has changed since my last one.

Well, single again... twice removed since the last blog... but whatever, life goes on I guess.
The purpose of this blog however is to kind of highlight chasing your dreams and inspire to chase your dreams... I have gotten away from that premise somewhat in my last few entries so I may just give insight and try to reflect on lessons learned in this one.
I've been through a few relationships recently, and with each one, I try to reflect afterwards on what I learned with each one.

Well, relationship #1- that one taught me how to love and taught me some important lessons on how a serious relationship works... it was my first true serious relationship so I was sorta rusty and honestly had no clue what I was doing.. which pretty much was the downfall... I'm not putting the blame all on myself, but I won't get into the rest.

Relationship #2- that one taught me how to be somewhat more chill towards a relationship, not get hung up on the title itself, and just enjoy the person's company... we were more friends than lovers, so that's the basic end to that one.

Relationship #3- I think I learned more in that one than anyone of them. I've never proven to be a patient person at all or at times very understanding, I'll admit that...
Anyways, boyfriend #3 had a son which I had never experienced before in a relationship and he was my first boyfriend I had that didn't live down the street... he lived over 3 hours away.
Before #3, I always said I would never date a guy with a kid, etc., but his son touched my heart and those times with them I'll never forget because as those minutes passed, I learned that it's important to embrace every situation and not judge someone's situation so quickly.
I also learned some patience in that relationship. I used to be the type that had to spend every waking minute with a boyfriend, but I got over that with #3 because obviously we couldn't see each other all the time.

I'm still working on taking what I learned from all three and becoming a stronger person for it and hopefully someday a better girlfriend because of all of those experiences.
I feel I've came out of all three more accepting of others at least... kind of bitter because of three failed relationships so quickly, but that's a day by day process to lose the bitterness.
I guess the point I'm trying to make with this blog is this.... relationships come and go, and it freaking sucks, but the time spent with each person, you will never want to trade because it allowed you to experience different things and gain another perspective.... and life is all about broadening your perspective and understanding, right?

Wednesday, November 28, 2012

Keep it coming, God

Well, well, well... God has blessed me with something (someone) once again... and his name is Mark. :)
To be honest, I didn't really see this coming at all! Granted I was the one to text him first, but I never imagined things would develop as quickly as they have!
I worked with Mark at the newspaper, but when I met him, I was in a relationship at the time and even after my breakup, I was totally against the whole work flirting stuff; therefore, it was total friend zone.
And actually, as I've told him, I thought that's where it was going to stay... but God had plans otherwise I believe.
I don't mean to break down the entire story, but sometimes it's nice to reflect back on how things came about to really see where God was simply putting the pieces together.
So since I don't work at the newspaper anymore, I hadn't seen Mark in a while ... until I saw him again at the fall Martinsville Speedway race. We talked, laughed, caught up, whatever... we didn't think much about it.
But after that day, we hung out as a group and I got to know him a little more... and seeing his personality, I started remembering things that I learned about him before like that he was raised a Baptist (as had I), has conservative views (as do I) and other things that really stood out to me.
As I remembered those things, I thought, you know maybe this guy is at least worth getting to know... what do I have to lose, right?!
In the time that I was getting to know him, I really didn't think much about it, and didn't really think I was looking for another relationship... but the more we talked, and the more we hung out, and the more we just connected on a spiritual and personal level ... my thoughts changed.
He is such a great guy and the best part is that we are trying to develop a relationship where the foundation is God.
We try to pray together and go to church together... and we hope to keep that up.
I've never really had a relationship where God was placed first ... and I've always been told all my life that those kinds of relationships are the ones that God will bless the most... so we shall see.
I feel like God has placed Mark into my life for many reasons... and one of those reasons could be that God sees that we could possibly walk closer to Him by having each other.
I don't know what God has in store for this relationship and I'm not trying to read much into it... but all I can say is "Thank You, God ... Keep it coming." :)

Thursday, November 8, 2012

Never count yourself out

I want to get deep for a moment...
There have been times in my life recently where I just felt like giving up completely; I was so down all the time and nothing helped. But then there came that point in life where I realized "my life is wasting away while I'm sitting here freaking crying... and over what?!"
I've been blessed with a lot in my life... great job, great family, great friends, just a great life...
In the past few weeks, I had this realization of "my gosh, I gotta get a grip and start getting out more!"... since I got to that point, it's like a weight has been lifted!
I wouldn't trade the heartaches for anything because I'm starting to see already how much I have grown.... one realization came lastnight when I was told that I come across as a very independent person... major difference from being called "spoiled"... cough cough haha.
By hearing that, it clicked something in my brain.. that hey maybe the breakup and multiple pity parties have done me some good... because I reached such a low depressed point that I told myself I had to be my own person before I could ever be truly happy.
I'm proud to say that maybe I have finally gotten to that point! Hallelujah!!
Another lesson: God has always got my back. There were times when I did the whole "God, why why why?!" thing, but now I see that God simply was like "girl, you need to go through this because you're relying too much on others to make you happy."
And hopefully, God is now looking down saying "atta girl." :)

Friday, November 2, 2012

It's been a while...

Well it has certainly been a while since I updated my blog... and boy has my life changed since that last post....
Since my last post, I have experienced my first true breakup... was not easy, but I think I'm finally coming to grips with it.. even though it has been a few months...
Now, I'm starting to see that the breakup was needed because since then, so many things have opened up in my life and so many good changes have come about.
God has a plan for me and I truly believe that...
Since the breakup, I have found a new job as an admissions counselor at the college I graduated from! The job obviously pays more and also gives me the chance to help others succeed in their dream to attend college and better themselves... and that means so much to me to be able to that.
In every job I do, I want to make an impact on someone's life. This job I feel will help me to impact more people's lives. Working in newspaper, I never felt like I was making a difference and helping others and I dreamed of having a job that would allow me to do so ... and now I have it!
Also in the last few months, I have gotten my own place.. which has helped me to appreciate all the little things that my mom had to do on a daily basis.. because now I'm having to do everything for myself! And doing things for myself is sooo rewarding too!
I'm only 21 years old and I feel that I have positioned myself well in life.. and the feeling of "having made it" is so fulfilling. Granted no one is ever truly happy, but that is the mystery in life and the drive in life, is to keep chugging along until you at least get to the point where you're temporarily satisfied.
In the past few months, I have realized that things can't always go my way, especially when it involves someone else. And that is the true realization is that things that I can control in my life and that are in my hands, it goes my way.
Like with my new job, granted I couldn't control whether I got the job or not, but I could control the impression I left to ensure that they could possibly look at me as a potential employee.
Relationships are out of my control... and that's the one thing I struggle with.
I could blame myself for the downfall or whatever, but I'm not going to... because the bottom line is that it's something I can't control... the things I can control, I'm good at succeeding in them, so stick to that!

Monday, May 14, 2012

Dreams do come true ... with hard work

Some more dreams have come true in my life!!! On Tuesday, I will be leaving for Hawaii to visit my cousins who live in Maui! Last Saturday, I bought a 29-foot camper!
Growing up, I always dreamed of having a camper some day and that day has finally come because I have worked hard enough to be able to afford one all on my own! --- the same goes for the trip to Hawaii as well.
My parents tried to talk me out of buying the camper because they said that I was too young to buy something like that. But the way I look at it is that... I'm at the best years of my life and why not spend money on something that will make those years even more fulfilling??
Over the past few years, I have lost many family members, which has made me realize that no matter what age you are, you have got to live life to the fullest and not let anything hold you back.
With everything I do, I feel like I am living the life that God has given me. Every day, I thank God for everything I have --- wonderful boyfriend, wonderful family, amazing friends, great job and good health.

Monday, March 19, 2012

Lucky lucky girl

The hype over St. Patrick's Day has me thinking about how truly lucky I am.
By the way, I did find a four leaf clover about 10 years ago soooo maybe the legends are true? :p
... so why do I feel so lucky?

Well first of all, I have a great family who supports me in everything I do and I can always tell how much they truly care. And now I am getting more and more close to Dave and his family, which makes me so happy.
I met more of Dave's family yesterday and I truly felt that I belonged there. I felt so relaxed and that I fit right in. Me and Dave have now been together about 4 months, which doesn't seem like a long time, but it didn't take long for us to fall crazy in love with each other. (we both have promise rings that we sport to show our commitment to each other)
Since Dave came into my life, I really feel that I focus more on what's most important in life: family, friends, God and love.

Another reason I'm lucky is that I have several TRUE friends. Many people can't say that they have several friends that would be there for them at any time, but I can say that. They are all so unique and I'm so grateful to have them. (you know who you are :p)

I'm also lucky because a career in songwriting is now a possibility! I signed a contract last month to start writing exclusively for an up-and-coming artist in Nashville.
The recording is supposed to begin in the next few months and I'm so excited to hear my songs professionally produced! And the idea of royalty checks sounds pretty exciting too!
I just feel soooo lucky to have all that i do! I really don't want my luck to fade.... so that it won't, I will just keep thanking God for how he has blessed me and pray that he will continue to do so. :)

Tuesday, December 27, 2011

Best Christmas

Gosh, life is so great! And dreams just keep coming true!
Last week, Dave sent a dozen roses to my work, which surprised me so much! Also, we spent our first Christmas together which was amazing!
Part of my family met him on Thanksgiving and the other half met him on Christmas ... and they all love him!
I've just really been thinking lately about how everything I've ever dreamed of is coming true. I've always dreamed of having a boyfriend that my family and dad would be proud to know... and that's Dave.
My blogs are usually about how I pursued something and a dream came true, but all of this is just happening on its own.
Even petty dreams come true like Dave playing my grandpa in checkers and my grandpa giving Dave a big hug... it just makes me tear up remembering those moments.
I just can't get over how much God has blessed me.. I'm so grateful!
Some people have told me that it's not fair how I get everything I want... well, it hasn't been by people handing things to me, I've worked hard for everything I've accomplished in my life..... but in this relationship, I can't take any of the credit, it's just all worked out by the Grace of God.
Part of me believes that things work out in my life because I have always believed that anything is possible... and with faith, it is possible.
I've always felt that God has my back and will grant me what I want.... I don't plan on ever losing faith in my Savior because he is doing a great job. :)